The importance of including children in funerals

The loss of a parent or grandparent, can be confusing and overwhelming for children, especially if they feel excluded from the process. By involving children in the funeral service, this can be a powerful way to help them process their grief. 

Including children within the rituals of a funeral provides them with an opportunity to express their love, say goodbye and create a lasting memory. Participation in the ceremony can help to demystify the process and allows them to feel seen, heard and valued. 

Here are some ways that children can be involved in the funeral service:

Decorating the coffin

Allowing children to help decorate a coffin is a creative way for them to express their emotions. This can involve painting pictures, writing messages or attaching stickers or drawings. This personal touch adds a unique element that is heartfelt and perfect when using a cardboard coffin.

Performing a dance or song

If the children enjoyed a particular song with their parent or grandparent, it can be a nice to perform at the funeral as a tribute. We’ve had grandchildren dancing at the front while a photo tribute played in the background or a child performing a solo in memory of the person that has died. 

Reading a tribute

Encouraging a child to share a tribute during the funeral allows them to voice their memories or feelings. From reading out a letter, a poem or their memories, these words can be very impactful.

Handing out flowers or service booklets

If standing in front of people to speak or perform isn’t possible, then helping hand out service booklets or flowers/petals is a way to involve children that feels manageable, important and helps them feel involved on the day.

Creating a photo collage or memory wall

Children can be experts in using technology, so asking them to contribute in this way is perfect. By compiling photos for a slideshow, creating a memory wall or photo collage allows memories to be shared. 

Supporting children during the funeral process

There are a few ways you can support children through the funeral process. 

• Talk to them about what will happen at the funeral, who will be there and what their role will be; 
• Try to answer their questions as openly as possible;
• Allow them to decide how they wish to participate, if at all;
• Remind them that whatever they decide is completely up to them and you will support them;
• Look at age appropriate books designed to cover the topics of dying and grief;
• Acknowledge their feelings and that it is ok to show all emotions.

Resources for grieving children

Children’s Grief Awareness Week takes place between 18-24 November 2024 which aims to provide support and resources to children who may be grieving. You can also contact the following organisations:

Winston’s Wish provides support and guidance to grieving children and their families, offering helplines, online resources, and specialist support programs.

Child Bereavement UK offers resources, training, and support for families, helping children navigate their grief through counselling, support groups, and online forums.