How do I talk about my funeral wishes?
How do I talk to my family about my funeral?
Talking about death or your own funeral isn't an easy subject to approach but we believe having a conversation with your family about your wishes is really important and not as difficult as you might have feared.
Would starting a conversation about your funeral or dying make you feel awkward and uncomfortable?
It's something we should all do, no matter our age. You may choose to do so for your own peace of mind, or to ease the burden on your family and friends when the time comes.
From 8-14 May 2023, everyone is encouraged to talk about death, grief and dying as part of Dying Matters Week.
Here are some suggestions to make the conversation a little easier and help break the taboo surrounding this subject.
Be direct about your funeral wishes
Finding a time that is suitable for the conversation about dying or your funeral wishes is key. Perhaps while you are out walking would make it less uncomfortable. You should try to write down beforehand what points you'd like to cover in regards to your funeral service. You could start by saying "I know this is a difficult subject but I've been thinking about my funeral arrangements and would like to discuss them with you."
Refer to a funeral you have seen
Another way to approach the subject of your funeral, is to ask open ended, hypothetical questions or refer to a funeral you have seen in the news or on TV. Perhaps something along the lines of "Did you watch Queen Elizabeth's funeral? I really liked the flowers and would like to have the same for my funeral." This is a great way to get a conversation going that isn't directly linked to your own funeral.
Write down your funeral wishes
If talking to someone about your funeral service really isn't an option, either because you or they would feel too uncomfortable or you don't get the response you had hoped for when you broach the subject, you could write down your wishes. This could be as simple as keeping written notes on a piece of paper (where someone you trust knows of the safe place it is stored) or more formally, by adding into your will or using our Funeral Wishes template that you can download here. You can provide as little or as much detail as you wish here, from key decisions such as burial or cremation, religious or non-religious to specific readings and songs. It is also worth considering letting your family have some choice on the specifics of the day, if appropriate, such as funeral flower tributes or poems to be included.
Speak to a funeral director
As a funeral director covering Llandudno, Colwyn Bay and Conwy, we will discuss funeral arrangements with you and make a note of these formally. It can be much easier to talk to someone outside of your family about your funeral wishes as it allows you to keep the emotion from the conversation. All you then have to do is make sure you tell someone you trust where your funeral details are held. We don't charge a fee for this service.
Alternatively, you can speak to us about a pre-paid funeral plan where you pay the money up front. You can read more about our funeral plans here.
Ultimately, you know those closest to you better than anyone, so it's important to do what you feel most comfortable with.
