Our pets are a huge part of our families. If you ever have to say goodbye to a pet, it can be a difficult and emotional time. Here at Tom Owen and Son, we experienced first-hand our own bereavement on 8 November 2021, when we lost our pet cat, Jeffrey. This article discusses pet bereavement and how we can cope with the grief.

The depth of the relationship between a family and their pet is deep and complex; animals become part of the fabric of our lives. Pets bring companionship, fun and joy to our lives. They offer comfort during the challenges in your life, and they also form part of your day, creating a structure of social and physical activities. It is therefore natural to feel immense grief and sadness when a pet dies. The loss may also trigger painful and difficult emotions regarding other bereavements you may have suffered.

Coping with the loss of a pet

• You should never feel embarrassed about the death of a pet. Others may not understand how you feel, but that's ok;
• Feel free to cry, be angry, laugh and share memories;
• Speak to others who have lost pets and will be able to understand how you are feeling;
• Create a memorial, plant a tree or compile a scrapbook of photos and memories to celebrate their life;
• Take care of yourself – be sure to get plenty of sleep, eat a healthy diet, exercise and practice self-care.

The grief associated with the death of a pet can become more complicated when we have to make the decision to put them down. For many, this is the only time we are confronted with a life-or-death decision and is compounded by the fact we cannot ask them what they want.

Supporting a child through a pet bereavement

When a pet dies, it may be the first experience of loss for a child. Many children love their pets deeply, especially if they have been around since they were young. It's perfectly normal for a child to feel scared that another animal or people may leave them. They may also feel angry about the death. To help your child through the loss, the following may help:

• Be honest with your child. Don't say 'went to sleep' or pretend that the pet has run away. This will only cause confusion and feelings of betrayal if they learn the truth at a later date;
• Allow your child to express their own grief. Remind them that it is ok to show compassion and care about their pets;
• Provide reassurance to your child about the death of the pet, remind them that it wasn't anyone's fault and allow them to express their concerns and worries;
• Involve your child in the process, allowing them to spend time with their pet and to say goodbye in their own way;
• Don't rush into getting another pet which can suggest when someone dies we get over it by replacement;
• Encourage the child to create memories of your pet, such as a photo album or collage. Maybe a memory box of their collar, some of their fur, their favourite toy etc. Memorial jewellery is another way to always keep your pet close by;
• Consider holding a memorial service for your pet, allowing them to choose songs and readings.