What Happens When Someone Dies Unexpectedly?

When someone dies unexpectedly, particularly at home, the first few hours can feel overwhelming. There may be police officers present. A doctor or paramedic may have attended. There can be questions to answer, telephone calls taking place and unfamiliar people arriving at your home, all while you are trying to take in what has just happened.

At some point, you may be told that a funeral director is coming. But who chooses that funeral director? And does the funeral director who attends on behalf of the coroner have to arrange the funeral afterwards? These are questions many families simply don't know to ask.

Why does a funeral director attend after an unexpected death?

When a death is unexpected and is referred to the coroner, arrangements may need to be made for the person who has died to be taken into appropriate care. 

A funeral director may be instructed to attend as part of the arrangements in place with the police and coroner. It is important to understand that the funeral director attending at this stage may simply be carrying out that initial transfer. It does not automatically mean that you have chosen them to arrange the funeral.

Can I choose my own funeral director?

If you already have a funeral director, based in Conwy and surrounding arreas, you know and trust, tell the police or those attending at the time.

Depending on the circumstances and the arrangements in place, it may be possible for your chosen funeral director to attend rather than the funeral director who would otherwise be allocated through the usual rota. If another funeral director has already attended, however, you haven't lost your choice. You are still free to choose the funeral director you would like to arrange the funeral. 

This could be a funeral director your family has used previously, somebody who has been recommended to you, or simply the funeral home you feel most comfortable with. You don't have to make that decision in the immediate aftermath of a death.

You should have time to say goodbye

When somebody has just died, minutes can matter. Not because there should be a rush, but because those last moments at home can become incredibly important memories.

Some people want to sit quietly beside the person who has died. Others want to hold their hand, give them a kiss or say something privately. Some don't want to stay in the room at all. There is no right or wrong response. Whenever circumstances allow, we believe families should be given the time and space they need before their loved one is brought into our care.

Of course, occasionally the circumstances surrounding a death or the requirements of the police or coroner will mean things need to happen in a particular way. Where there is no such restriction, however, families shouldn't be made to feel unnecessarily hurried. Our job is to work around the family rather than make the family feel they have to work around us.

Funeral arrangements don't need to be made immediately

There will eventually be decisions to make. Burial or cremation? A traditional funeral or something less formal? Who should lead the service? What music should be played? What should the coffin be like? None of those questions needs answering in those first few moments. Neither should a bereaved family feel they have to make an immediate decision about who will arrange the funeral. At that first attendance, we believe the priority should be much simpler:

Care for the person who has died and care for the people who have just lost them.

When we attend following an unexpected death, we don't believe that moment should ever feel like a sales opportunity.

There will be time for conversations about funeral arrangements later.

What if another funeral director has already taken my loved one into their care?

You can still choose another funeral director. If a funeral director attended following instructions from the police or coroner, this does not necessarily mean they must subsequently arrange the funeral.

If you decide you would prefer another funeral director to look after the arrangements, contact the funeral director you would like to use. They can explain what happens next and help you through the process.

You shouldn't feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about making that choice. Sometimes a family will choose us. Sometimes they will choose somebody else. That's okay. The important thing is that the family makes the choice.

Funeral directors in Llandudno and North Wales

Tom Owen and Son has been caring for families in Llandudno and across North Wales since 1930. Over those years, funeral service has changed enormously. But we believe one principle should remain the same.

At one of the most difficult moments of someone's life, they deserve kindness, time, dignity and the freedom to make their own choices.

If someone has died unexpectedly and you're unsure what happens next, you are welcome to contact us for advice. You don't have to have decided who will arrange the funeral, and asking for guidance doesn't commit you to using us.

Sometimes, knowing what happens next can make an overwhelming situation feel just a little more manageable.